A WORD FROM BRIDGET LOLAND (SpeakingOut Director / Board of Directors)…

Afraid, Alone, Angry, Broken, Caged, Confused, Defeated, Helpless, Lost, Manipulated, Neglected, Rejected…

Can you identify with one or more of these?  If you are the abused, you can identify with all of them!

Close your eyes for a moment and imagine walking in the shoes of a child who is being sexually abused. 

Your pain is contained, your screams cannot be uttered, your tears nobody sees…you are trapped in a web of silence within yourself wanting desperately to be rescued! However, no one comes, no one notices, no one cares, no one is listening!

There are thousands of victims trapped in this vicious cycle all across our world.  

Support SpeakingOut and help us educate others to make this evil atrocity more and more known!

Every child matters and deserves to be safe and protected!

WHO IS RESPONSIBLE…

…for addressing the crime of child sexual abuse?

…for fighting (not literally) against sexual predators of children?

…for talking to children about sexual abuse in an effort to aid in prevention?

…for standing up for children?

…for being a voice for children?

…for doing everything in our power to protect children from sexual abuse & all other forms of abuse & neglect?

…for being on the lookout for behavioral signs of sexual predators of children?

…for looking for the signs & symptoms of a child being sexually abused?

…for not turning a blind eye?

…for not keeping family secrets that harm children?

…for understanding that incest is not a family matter?

…for not feeling that there is nothing we can do because of how rampant & enormous this violation against children is worldwide?

…for not leaving children on their own to try to defend themselves?

…for addressing the breakdowns in the systems in place that are supposed to protect children…for children’s sake?

Etc… Etc… Etc…

WHO ?????????

In Summary… ADULTS / ALL ADULTS

Are you with me?

~Susan Suafoa-Dinino, President/Founder, SpeakingOut against Child Sexual Abuse

Breakdown of “The System” & Child Sexual Abuse

1) Child won’t tell or will only tell certain people…those whom they trust.

2) Child doesn’t tell the right person at the right time.

3) Child’s story is inconsistent and/or seems bizarre.

4) Not enough time spent with the child in order to build trust so that the child feels safe to discuss the abuse with this and/or these intimidating strangers; those who work in the “System”.

5) Not truly understanding why most children won’t tell them or anyone in so many cases.

6) Not truly understanding how sexual predators silence children.

7) Not believing the child & all it takes is one person in “The System” to be that broken link in the chain. Just one. How many links in a chain have to break to make the chain unusable and/or ineffective?

8) Little to No physical evidence.

9) What evidence is/was there will not be there for long. Children’s bodies heal quickly; very resilient.

10) When some evidence is found, I’ve seen it be so easy for someone in “The System” to say… Well that could have been caused by something else. Therefore, we cannot use this as evidence.

11) Personal Bias within “the System”.

12) Child Sexual Abuse is minimized; looked at by some as not as harmful as physical abuse or other crimes since they cannot see the signs. For example, no visible sign of bruising or a broken bone.

13) Connections & Influence / Truth vs. Who You Know

14) Money / Truth vs. Who has the Money to hire the “best” Attorney.

15) Periodically, someone (i.e. Parent) falsely accuses someone else as a way of being vindictive. These false allegations ruin it for the legitimate Protective Parent or Parents that are trying to get protection for their child. “The System” tends to suspect all reporting Parents of false allegations.

16) Occasionally, a child (i.e. Teenager) falsely accuses someone of sexual abuse. These false allegations ruin it for all of the children who really are being sexually abused.

17) When a child does tell or even hints of the abuse, “The System” is quick to say the child has been coaxed. It’s the quickest way to break the chain that had the power to protect the child.

18) Winning / Truth & Protecting the Child vs Winning a Case

19) Work & Case Load / Understaffed & Overworked / Not enough time dedicated to individual cases.

20) Becoming desensitized to the fact that the “case” represents an actual human being; a child.

21) Not treating the “case” in the same manner in which it would be treated if that child was their own child.

22) People make up & run “The System”. Where there are people, there is sure to be mistakes made; whether intentional or not. For those intentional bad decisions in which a child is purposely not protected, understanding that not every single person or link in the chain who work in “The System” is a person of care, morals or integrity. Although most are good, caring people who spend their time & their lives working very hard to protect the innocent, it only takes one to “break the chain”.

23) Family Court vs Criminal Court. Many times, in the case of incest (where a parent is the perpetrator & the other parent reports the abuse) the Courts treat the allegation in the same manner as a custody battle. Child Sexual Abuse is not a family matter. It is a crime.

24) When a parent is the perpetrator, their Attorney almost always uses the angle to prove the non-offending, reporting parent is unfit and/or just being vindictive…regardless of what the truth is…and for the purpose of “winning” the case.

25) The protective parent (generally the mother) comes across as very upset and may come across as unstable (at least that’s the angle the opposing side goes for), while the perpetrator (master manipulator) appears calm.

26) Not everyone who works within “The System” has all the needed education on the crime of child sexual abuse & yet they make decisions on a child’s life. Extensive & more specialized training is needed for all who work on any/all child sexual abuse cases.

27) “The System” appears to be designed to fail the child. Moral, Legal, Legislative and/or Other issues?

TELL…We Say to Children

Tell if someone does something inappropriate to you. Tell if someone touches your private parts. Tell if someone does something that makes you uncomfortable. Tell if someone hurts you. Tell if someone forces you to do anything you are not comfortable with.

WHEN THE CHILD DOES TELL, ARE THEY BEING BELIEVED?

This question is for parents, teachers, caregivers, anyone who works in “The System”, etc… Parents, do you believe the child if the perpetrator is someone you know, trust and/or love?

BELIEVE THE CHILD…

~Susan Suafoa-Dinino, President/Founder, SpeakingOut against Child Sexual Abuse, Inc.

It’s brewing..

While the storm of COVID-19 is hovering over the lives of people all over the world there is another storm brewing. Many are consumed with fear and anxiety with in their own personal selves and are trying to maintain that they are oblivious to the signs that are manifesting before them.

Statistics said that one out every ten children have experienced child sexual abuse. What will the statistics be when we come out of the “shut in”? How many children are being “shut in” during playtime? During lesson time in the other room? In their siblings room when mom is overwhelmed with the weight of homeschooling for the first time?

There’s another storm brewing and we need to open our eyes, our hearts, our compassion and be prepared. We need to be ready!

This storm will reveal the enemy with in. Not a teacher, not a coach, but the enemy with in. There is a storm brewing and we need to be prepared.

What about the children? Who is ready and will stand for them?

A Word from Bridget Loland…(SpeakingOut Director and Certified Christian Life Coach)

My heart was grieved and broken last night when I witnessed a family in a “house” of chaos…father screaming, mother accusing, child helpless. There are people dying, families are grieving, people are alone in the hospital fighting to recover and there are people on the front lines working with everything in them to help others during this pandemic, BUT there is another pandemic, an evil, happening in “houses” all across this world that was happening before and has only become magnified in this time where families are together. I use the word “houses” because a house is a place, but a “home” is where love resides…A place where there is peace, encouragement and a genuine love. A place that is safe, where laughter and joy abound and yes, sometimes sorrow and tears, but not at the expense of others. A home is where people come together, support each other, pray for one another and desire to see each other grow and with Christ at the center…a “home” is full of God’s glory! For anyone who is struggling right now because they are living in a “house” instead of a “home” in the midst of all of the other circumstances swirling around you today, I want you to know regardless of how others are treating you…JESUS honors you, He esteems you and He values you! The God of the universe who created the heavens and the earth loves YOU and YOU matter to HIM!!! Call upon His name…He is ready to answer, faithful to hear your cries, and He will meet you right where you are! There is power in the name of JESUS to deliver the captive and set them free! I am praying for you. No, I may not know your name…BUT GOD DOES!

Psalm 121:1-4…I lift up my eyes to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. Indeed, He who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

Isaiah 26:3…You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.

Psalm 91:4…He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

Isaiah 40:29-31…He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

BREAKDOWN OF “THE SYSTEM” & CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE (Part 7)…

How / Why Does this Breakdown Occur?

23) Family Court vs Criminal Court. Many times, in the case of incest (where a parent is the perpetrator & the other parent reports the abuse) the Courts treat the allegation in the same manner as a custody battle. Child Sexual Abuse is not a family matter. It is a crime.

24) When a parent is the perpetrator, their Attorney almost always uses the angle to prove the non-offending, reporting parent is unfit and/or just being vindictive…regardless of what the truth is…and for the purpose of “winning” the case.

25) The protective parent (generally the mother) comes across as very upset and may come across as unstable (at least that’s the angle the opposing side goes for), while the perpetrator (master manipulator) appears calm.

26) Not everyone who works within “The System” has all the needed education on the crime of child sexual abuse & yet they make decisions on a child’s life. Extensive & more specialized training is needed for all who work on any/all child sexual abuse cases.

27) “The System” appears to be designed to fail the child. Moral, Legal, Legislative and/or Other issues?

(Be sure to check out our previous posts in this series.)

(“The System”… Law Enforcement, The Court System, Child Protective Services, Court Appointed Psychologists, etc… (Basically any/all individuals or groups involved within the process when someone tries to get protection for a child to prevent further sexual abuse, as well as to seek justice for the child when it comes to the abuser.)

PLEASE NOTE THAT WE WILL CONTINUE DIGGING INTO “THE SYSTEM”. THE PURPOSE & GOAL: CHANGE; FOR CHILDREN’S SAKE.

IN ADDITION, WE WOULD LIKE TO GO BACK & TALK ABOUT EACH REASON THERE IS A BREAKDOWN IN “THE SYSTEM” IN-DEPTH TO ENCOURAGE & VIGOROUSLY WORK TOWARD CHANGE…FOR CHILDREN’S SAKE.

~Susan Suafoa-Dinino, President/Founder, SpeakingOut against Child Sexual Abuse

BREAKDOWN OF “THE SYSTEM” & CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE (Part 6)…

How / Why Does this Breakdown Occur?

18) Winning / Truth & Protecting the Child vs Winning a Case

19) Work & Case Load / Understaffed & Overworked / Not enough time dedicated to individual cases.

20) Have become desensitized to the fact that the “case” represents an actual human being; a child.

21) Not treating the “case” in the same manner in which it would be treated if that child was their own child.

22) People make up & run “The System”. Where there are people, there is sure to be mistakes made; whether intentional or not. For those intentional bad decisions in which a child is purposely not protected, understanding that not every single person or link in the chain who work in “The System” is a person of care, morals or integrity. Although most are good, caring people who spend their time & their lives working very hard to protect the innocent, it only takes one to “break the chain”.

(Be sure to check out our previous posts in this series.)

MORE TO COME ON HOW / WHY “THE SYSTEM” BREAKS DOWN…

(“The System”… Law Enforcement, The Court System, Child Protective Services, Court Appointed Psychologists, etc… (Basically any/all individuals or groups involved within the process when someone tries to get protection for a child to prevent further sexual abuse, as well as to seek justice for the child when it comes to the abuser.)

PLEASE NOTE THAT WE WILL CONTINUE DIGGING INTO “THE SYSTEM”. THE PURPOSE & GOAL: CHANGE; FOR CHILDREN’S SAKE.

IN ADDITION, WE WILL EVENTUALLY GO BACK & TALK ABOUT EACH REASON THERE IS A BREAKDOWN IN “THE SYSTEM” IN-DEPTH TO ENCOURAGE & VIGOROUSLY WORK TOWARD CHANGE…FOR CHILDREN’S SAKE.

~Susan Suafoa-Dinino, President/Founder, SpeakingOut against Child Sexual Abuse

BREAKDOWN OF “THE SYSTEM” & CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE (Part 5)…

How / Why Does this Breakdown Occur?

14) Money / Truth vs. Who has the Money to hire the “best” Attorney

15) Periodically, someone (i.e. Parent) falsely accuses someone else as a way of being vindictive. These false allegations ruin it for the legitimate Protective Parent or Parents that are trying to get protection for their child. “The System” tends to suspect all reporting Parents of false allegations.

16) Occasionally, a child (i.e. Teenager) falsely accuses someone of sexual abuse. These false allegations ruin it for all of the children who really are being sexually abused.

17) When a child does tell or even hints of the abuse, “The System” is quick to say the child has been coaxed. It’s the quickest way to break the chain that had the power to protect the child.

(Be sure to check out our previous posts in this series.)

MORE TO COME ON HOW / WHY “THE SYSTEM” BREAKS DOWN…

(“The System”… Law Enforcement, The Court System, Child Protective Services, Court Appointed Psychologists, etc… (Basically any/all individuals or groups involved within the process when someone tries to get protection for a child to prevent further sexual abuse, as well as to seek justice for the child when it comes to the abuser.)

PLEASE NOTE THAT WE WILL CONTINUE DIGGING INTO “THE SYSTEM”. THE PURPOSE & GOAL: CHANGE; FOR CHILDREN’S SAKE.

IN ADDITION, WE WILL EVENTUALLY GO BACK & TALK ABOUT EACH REASON THERE IS A BREAKDOWN IN “THE SYSTEM” IN-DEPTH TO ENCOURAGE & VIGOROUSLY WORK TOWARD CHANGE…FOR CHILDREN’S SAKE.

~Susan Suafoa-Dinino, President/Founder, SpeakingOut against Child Sexual Abuse